Tissue? ...Bless You.

I have fallen ill; sore throat, stuffy nose, dizziness, you name it, I'z gots it.  This obviously is not the first time I've gotten sick, nor will it be the last.  But I thought it would be fun to share with you what goes on in my head when I get a cold.  I usually go through the following stages:

1) Who is the bastard/beeeootch that I caught it from?!    

Someone told me as some point during my life that usually it take about five-days from when you come in contact with the person who has said cold for you to start your own suffering.  Now this may be the biggest load of crap every served to me, but I choose to follow it strictly.  So from the very first swallow of my sore throat, I count back exactly five days and curse anyone who I witnessed sneeze, cough or touch me.  You're all bastards as far as I'm concerned - never talk to me again.

2) Where are my lotion tissues? 

         I re-FUSE to use any sub-par facial tissues when I have a cold.  Not only do I have a sore throat, my head is a virtual grenade sans pin, I want to vomit (just for fun), and I can't leave my bed -- now I'm going to subject myself to a raw nose?!  UNNECESSARY!  Get me the softee stuff with the lotion, the aloe, the freakin...whatever else is in it.  I will not settle!

3) What will be my medicine of choice?

        This is my favorite part, this is what I just went through moments ago.  THIS IS THE REASON for this blog entree!!  So far I have taken:

                a) Dimetapp - two thumbs up to Wyeth for their delicious tasting concoction - TOO BAD IT DOESN'T WORK.

                b) Nyquill - it's fun to take when you're not sick.  However, last night I found myself laying down in bed, convinced I was going to die because I could feel my heart beating throughout my whole body. I'm sorry, not beating - POUNDING.  Finally I fell asleep, only to wake up a few-short hours later in a cold sweat because for some reason, a heard of purple elephants were trying to take my kettle corn and I was velcroed to a wall.  REALLY?...REALLY?!  I wasn't sure to take away from that, dream.. anyway, Nyquill is unsafe, and I don't feel any better.      

         So after suffering through the two events listed above, I just found myself sifting through my medicine cabinet as I locked eyes with my arch-rival the infamous 'tussin.  Now these folks really should have had a chat with my friends at Dimetapp before creating the WORST TASTING ELIXER ...EVER.  I remember I used to throw tantrums as a child because of it's awful taste.  So, I picked the bottle up because I actually considered taking it... and WHEEEWW!! it was expired (January 2008, in case you were wondering).  I actually considered taking it even through it was over a year old, but after last nights events with the purple elephants, I decided to pass.  The best part was the next bottle I picked up ... Tylenol Sore Throat ...expiration June 2006, no thanks. -- I settled on my 'go-to', Mucinex and gargling warm salt water.  Nurse Shirley always said it helps, and Nurse Shirley's never wrong.

So.. I really don't know what you should pull away from this except, I really hate being sick.  I hate Robitussin even more than being sick.  And in other news, I've reached the conclusion that Eli is the cuter Manning, but was that ever a question?  (Go Giants!)